The secret to desire in a long-term relationship | Esther Perel

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In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.

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43 COMMENTS

  1. After coming out of a great relationship that turnt sour this gives me so much hope as someone who never bothered to invest time into learning about relationships / men

  2. Her idea of adventure vs security and balancing between the two reminds me of Jordan Peterson's "order and chaos". Maybe he just needs to get laid 😂

  3. Almost 20 minutes of idiotic rambling that boils down to, "Monogamy boring. Let her play around with anybody if you want her to want you."

  4. For this to work, the couple must be consciously working to create and sustain a great relationship outside the "bedroom."

  5. "Relationship". Hahahahaha. What happened to "love", "affection" and "romance". A relationship you can have with your dog or your car.

  6. I watch this a a single male so that i know what to do when im in a relationship…when i was 13 i read all the medical books in the library about male and female anatomy and sexuality.Like a manual for fixing your car i studied it beforehand so i could be equipped for the day of getting to 'home base'😐👍

  7. ACCEPT FOR ONE! Is it Bharatam (India) again? They are an anomaly in psychological research, for those that don't know.
    So, if we live in an unhealthy society and we have an exception to the rule… I could be wrong and she could be talking about severely brainwashed religious fanatics who are even more ill than we.

  8. I think I need some space. Not that it is invaded, but we are together, always. We haven't slept apart for years. 20 yrs in, everything is great, but the passion….that's what's lacking

  9. Why do I feel like Esther perel was jayZ and Beyoncé’s marriage counsellor when they had the adultery rock in their marriage ?

  10. If desire needs space like fire needs air, I wonder how that plays into this uptick in dating of blocking…cuz sometimes people get back together after being blocked…not all…but are we so aware of the need for space on an unconscious level…but not conscious enough to employ less harsh tactics than blocking to obtain space.

  11. I used to think that love could cure anything but it only fed my narc's enormous ego. It is important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my wife’ phone. I got access to all her dealings both on phone and social media without touching her phone. I’m here in Nevada USA and able to access my wife’s phone with a cloned app even while she was away in the UK and cheating on me. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch her phone. My wife was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all her secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against her. I read all her deleted and recent chats on Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram. You can contact this great hacker “Gavin” via Gmail  (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and thank me later!

  12. The only reason i watched this was because i wanted to see how postanimalic and yet prehuman, our species still is – all the confident statements in this video are a total lack of inteligence and knowledge, a total ignorance.

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  14. If you want to hear more from her, listen to her podcast Where Should We Begin?
    It's a recording of actual marriage counseling sessions between her and different couples.

  15. It's that natural polygamy and artificial monogamy in humans. You can't be both without cheating unless you are only imagining.

  16. Kudos for the Video! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you thought about – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (google it)? It is a great one off product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the headache. Ive heard some decent things about it and my best friend Jordan finally got great results with it.

  17. Honestly, listening to a well spoken, intelligent, educated woman with her voice and accent is an erotic experience!

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