The secret to desire in a long-term relationship | Esther Perel



In long-term relationships, we often expect our beloved to be both best friend and erotic partner. But as Esther Perel argues, good and committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise. So how do you sustain desire? With wit and eloquence, Perel lets us in on the mystery of erotic intelligence.

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Comments

  • After coming out of a great relationship that turnt sour this gives me so much hope as someone who never bothered to invest time into learning about relationships / men

    GG April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Her idea of adventure vs security and balancing between the two reminds me of Jordan Peterson's "order and chaos". Maybe he just needs to get laid 😂

    David Kelly April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • https://www.makeapology.com

    Ra Ra April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Just do kinky stuff, duh ʕ͡°ʖ̯͡°ʔ

    thetestsofchange April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I LOVE this lady. I definitely need to follow up and learn more.

    JosephDiego DiaMante April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Almost 20 minutes of idiotic rambling that boils down to, "Monogamy boring. Let her play around with anybody if you want her to want you."

    Duct Tape Devil April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • For this to work, the couple must be consciously working to create and sustain a great relationship outside the "bedroom."

    Kat Jiménez April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • This blew my fucking mind.

    Nathan James April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • BEST TED EVER!

    Giovanna Elena April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • #CLOWNWORLD2020

    Gerrit Hafenstein April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • "Relationship". Hahahahaha. What happened to "love", "affection" and "romance". A relationship you can have with your dog or your car.

    Janusz Dworak April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I thought that was Gerry Halliwell at first, ffs!

    S Os April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I watch this a a single male so that i know what to do when im in a relationship…when i was 13 i read all the medical books in the library about male and female anatomy and sexuality.Like a manual for fixing your car i studied it beforehand so i could be equipped for the day of getting to 'home base'😐👍

    David Thomspson April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • ACCEPT FOR ONE! Is it Bharatam (India) again? They are an anomaly in psychological research, for those that don't know.
    So, if we live in an unhealthy society and we have an exception to the rule… I could be wrong and she could be talking about severely brainwashed religious fanatics who are even more ill than we.

    Sparta Trif April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Esther,
    I love your authenticity and teaching! You are amazing.

    njdiabeteseducation April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Me asking myself: what turns me on?

    This kind of speeches.

    Nima Ghomri April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I think I need some space. Not that it is invaded, but we are together, always. We haven't slept apart for years. 20 yrs in, everything is great, but the passion….that's what's lacking

    Pete Newth April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • 6:29 "exaaactly"

    corina c April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Why do I feel like Esther perel was jayZ and Beyoncé’s marriage counsellor when they had the adultery rock in their marriage ?

    Ada Ilo April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • If desire needs space like fire needs air, I wonder how that plays into this uptick in dating of blocking…cuz sometimes people get back together after being blocked…not all…but are we so aware of the need for space on an unconscious level…but not conscious enough to employ less harsh tactics than blocking to obtain space.

    My Favorite You Tube Channel April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I used to think that love could cure anything but it only fed my narc's enormous ego. It is important to be wise when dealing with a narcissist and I’m glad that cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my wife’ phone. I got access to all her dealings both on phone and social media without touching her phone. I’m here in Nevada USA and able to access my wife’s phone with a cloned app even while she was away in the UK and cheating on me. All I did was share my wife’s phone number with Cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both her new and deleted messages from my phone through a remote link to a programmed app containing cloned cell information without having to touch her phone. My wife was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all her secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m finally going through divorce with lots of evidence against her. I read all her deleted and recent chats on Whatsapp, Facebook and Instagram. You can contact this great hacker “Gavin” via Gmail  (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and thank me later!

    Jonathan Grabban April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • "4:46"
    I recommend this:
    naun.best/tbs-guide-984
    So grateful it exists in 2020.

    MrsMegaDead April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • wow she's so good!!

    L H April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Red pill lens – "I am most drawn to my partner when I see other people desire them".

    FA9082 April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I would love to see this with Spanish subtitles. Any way to see it this way?

    MarceZumba April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • The look from the girl at 1:07 is so cool. Talk about capturing interest

    Henrik Håkansson April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • incredible english for a french person.

    Thomas Ronnberg April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • The only reason i watched this was because i wanted to see how postanimalic and yet prehuman, our species still is – all the confident statements in this video are a total lack of inteligence and knowledge, a total ignorance.

    Florin Apostoiu April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I just feel tired …no time to keep playing games and going over all this…

    Anne Mann April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Amazing TED Talk. Thank you very much for these reflected and creative ideas.

    Victor Ruse April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Brilliant ❤️

    ndileka singapi April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Great! A few weeks ago I suspected my wife was cheating on me so I needed to be really sure that my suspicion was true, then I contacted a friend of mine and she told me about @brandhackers1 on INSTAGRAM and I got exactly what I was looking for in three hours or less, although I'm heartbroken but it was worth the trial. you can text them on WhatsApp too +19163042321 for their services or send them a mail on brandhackers1@ gmail. com

    Alexander Tommazi April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • If you want to hear more from her, listen to her podcast Where Should We Begin?
    It's a recording of actual marriage counseling sessions between her and different couples.

    Lemony Arch April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • This woman is changing the way people look and feel about things not good.

    Paul brown April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • It's that natural polygamy and artificial monogamy in humans. You can't be both without cheating unless you are only imagining.

    Salim El April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • I had an erotic desire for the smirking girl at 1:08

    udaaz April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Love this!! Bottom line, relationships are hard work but the right person will love it and get it done with you😘

    Marjorie April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • So absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeds contempt.

    Sidecar 771 April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Kudos for the Video! Forgive me for the intrusion, I would appreciate your thoughts. Have you thought about – Millawdon Varied Nights Trick (google it)? It is a great one off product for learning intimate questions to make your relationship stronger without the headache. Ive heard some decent things about it and my best friend Jordan finally got great results with it.

    Igor Sidelkovsky April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • This woman is making a lot of sense….

    David Z April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • Honestly, listening to a well spoken, intelligent, educated woman with her voice and accent is an erotic experience!

    ben mansour April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • She is Amazing, a the best bravooo all around the world!!!

    Buddy Rocky April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply
  • My wife was so smooth at hiding her infidelity so I had no proof for months, I was referred to some hacker and decided to give him a try.. the result was incredible because all my cheating wife’s text messages, whatsapp, facebook and even phone conversations was wired directly to my cellphone.
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    Robert Antonio April 27, 2020 6:55 pm Reply

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